Not Here to F#ck Spiders.

NOT HERE TO HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH SPIDERS
This isn’t a date, Trevor.

Straight from the land of bad decisions and worse wildlife, this is the PG-rated version of the phrase that kicks doors and doesn’t waste time.
You know the one. We’re not here for tea. We’re not here to chat. And we are absolutely not here to romance eight-legged weirdos over a glass of cab sav.

Whether you’re stacking a door, starting a shift, or just sick of people asking dumb questions — this one’s for you. Say it loud. Say it passive-aggressively. Say it like Trevor’s starting to light candles again.

Warning: May attract inappropriate laughs in formal briefings, spider fan clubs, or anywhere common sense is endangered.

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Built simple. Worn hard. This 100% cotton staple tee doesn’t try too hard—and it doesn’t have to. Soft, durable, and ready to throw under a jacket or wear solo when the job’s done but the attitude isn’t. Pre-shrunk for extra durability.

🚨 Terms of Engagement 🚨

We don’t sit on shelves.📦
This gear is printed the moment you pull the trigger. That means it takes a little longer to land—but it also means no waste, no dead stock, and no compromises.

⛔️ Once the order hits the system, it’s locked and loaded. No edits, no swaps. We move fast. You should too.

Zero bulk. Zero excess. Just purpose-built gear, printed for the ones who get it. Thanks for backing what matters.

🔥 No Exchanges or Refunds
All our gear is made to order—no warehouse, no shelf stock, no second chances on sizing mistakes.
If you order the wrong size, that one’s on you.

Check the size guide. Measure twice. Rage never.

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🩸 Damaged or Misprinted Gear
We don’t tolerate failure in the field. If your item rocks up damaged or defective, send us pics within 30 days and we’ll sort it—refund or reprint, no drama.

We back our gear. If it’s on us, we’ll make it right.

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⚙️ Fulfilment Time
Every order is printed just for you. Most gear is fulfilled right here in Australia, but if local stock runs low, we may source from international partners.

No fast fashion. No corner-cutting. And definitely no cheap knockoffs.

📦 Standard fulfilment time is 5–7 days before shipping—because good things aren’t churned out. They’re forged. 🤙🏻

Size guide